castaway
Once I’m granted the relief of niceties, I’m a pretty straight shooter. I say exactly what’s on my mind and I don’t play guessing games. That is to say, I’m not particularly mysterious.
My latest romantic encounter revealed himself to value a woman of mystery. A miscalculation on my part, as I believed he saw his fellow human in me.
I'm no puzzle to solve. Is that why you're gone? Am I too open of a book? No fun? No challenge? Hm.
Ghosting seems to be too light a term. “Tossed in the garbage” feels more apt.
Years ago...
The world sleeps.
Embers crackle.
Our tears spill.
We dance.
Oh... I’m smiling?
For what feels like the very first time, I feel deeply seen. You are a diamond in the rough, my dearest friend. I’ve never met anyone else like you.
If only he loved me like you could.
Years later...
We reunite in a far-off land.
Your eyes sparkle a little brighter now. How you’ve evolved! How I’ve grown! Just look at us, together.
The waves lap at our feet. Physically weary, emotionally whole.
Reignition.
Reconnection.
I’m no gnostic, but this feels like divine intervention.
Now.
That dissonance — how I loved you versus how you let me down — is a serrated little pill lodged firmly in my throat. Agonizing to choke down. The metallic red spills down my gullet and stains my soul.
It’s been months since you cast me away wordlessly. Was I ever real to you, or just a passing distraction?
My tires keep spinning, yet I’m stalled. The treads are worn; there’s no bite anymore.
I can hear your voice in my head again. "You’re playing the victim." Dear, don’t you know how desperate I am to understand you? You fear being misunderstood so gravely, yet your deafening silence permits my monkey mind to write the story for you.
You’re the greatest heartbreak of my life, my dearest friend. I warned you it would be so.
When night falls, I lie awake trying to figure out what the hell I keep doing wrong. Why do the ones I see the world in walk away like I was never real? If it keeps happening, maybe I am the common denominator. Or maybe this is karmic retribution from some fabled past life.
For the nth time, I tearfully drift into slumber. This time, I hope its embrace cradles me forever.